Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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