Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
