I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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