the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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