Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
dude i'm inner monologue high
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
