the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
he was CRYING into my vagina
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
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