Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
