the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
