I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
