the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
