my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
