I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
