Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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