i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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