I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
be right there i have to get my cape
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
