apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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