I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
