We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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