Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Randomize
