i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
