somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
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