Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
