last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
