dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
