Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
