There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
