Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
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