Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
