I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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