i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
