Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
