its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Randomize
