Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
