i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Terrible idea I love it
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
