I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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