True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
