This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. đ
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
He sang the chorus to âInside of youâ by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldnât even be mad, that probably took talent
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