oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
