I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
