I heard we made out
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
