Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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