I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
