he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
this hospital has no fireball
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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