make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I am mentally ready for anal.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
