my vag is so smooth its legendary
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
false alarm, still single
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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