Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Randomize
