I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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