Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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