And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
