omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
We are two peas in an std pod
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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