respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
