he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
