Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
