I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I'm passing your future prison.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
We left an ass print on the piano.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
